you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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