My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
