gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
