Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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