Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
