Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
