Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
