what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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