Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
