I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
why do cheetos always look like penises
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
