My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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