Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize