??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
