I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
