I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
