I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
