Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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