the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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