dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
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I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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