Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
