i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
