I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
