don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
