I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
