why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
