he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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