I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
