Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
