You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
