My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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