I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
