I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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