They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
