So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
