We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
