2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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