i barfeds in our rink
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
