he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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