The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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