I think my fart just growled at me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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