bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize