Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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