Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
