Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You left your phone here
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