What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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