alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
