Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
