Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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