i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
