While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
