i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My vagina just recognized that song.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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