Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize