I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
