drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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