My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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