fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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