I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
