the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
